itsumo no kimochi wa don don kawateru

Monday, July 11, 2011 11:10 PM ♥


hello, gokigen yo. today is a monday, and i finally decided to update my blog.
i changed my blogskin yesterday but ended up i was too tired to update a single post.
it took me hours to edit this blogskin, yeah hahaha, i'm always not contented with it
the way it was made, it's nice, but i endedup editing it to my own preference. i saw the comments
that the owner said can edit as much as long as the credits are there. so i decided to edit.
hahaha, today was one of those days where i have serious mood swings.
morning during ss, i got really fed up and angry, because hoying told me to
discuss about sat's outing to watch harry potter, i posted, she saw and ignored me.
no one answered me either. i felt so invisible that i almost can cry.
other thing was about the accompany me today, when i heard from chenhui that she cannot make it,
i was obviously super damn sad, however, i actually expected that she wouldn't be able to make it. while hoying, she said see first, i also thought that she won't be staying, i'll be all alone. however, she stayed in school, but i went home first, i was really happy that she was there. in the end, around 5.15, i got to go up to the hall, and she left already, sorry for forgetting to text her though. -> hoying.

Emotionally… I’m done… Mentally… I’m drained… Spiritually… I feel dead… & yet Physically… I Smile.-TeensNotebook
thats the quote for today.
on the trip to rp i thought "they're not gonna care about me, next year, i'm gonna be all alone. aliah would be gone, and i'll always be alone already. all my friends are in library, if not is drama. they all have friends that cares for them in the surrounding. me? none.

today's match at rp, for me, i did terrible. i made a mess out of everything. made a mess out of their
hardwork and effort. i played the worse game, in the second period. lucky last period,
i had my motivation that kept runnning through my mind "chenhui said good luck, i must do it", "i have to build up the confidence to hold the ball there & step up with my body.-[means block the person from shooting]" but however it was still a game that i played lousily. i felt that i'm all alone etc.
practically, i feel that way sometimes during floorball, somehow sometimes in class too.
i feel like i'm a loner, and that people all dislikes me. from sec 1 till now, i remembered who hated me
, and who still does. i wonder why so many people hate me huh? maybe i'm just a bitch in their eyes.
i want to be acknowledge by them, i want their attention, yeah you can say i'm an attention seeker and
whatsoever, i just want to get along well with everyone, i don't want them to hate me, to dislike me.
however, when i play so lousily in floorball, somewhat i know that it's always my fault, if
i wasn't this lousy, if i could be consistent. but i fucking just can't. why is that so?
i want to fit in with everyone. i want them to accept me. i might just a nobody to them,i still treat them as
one of my friends, equally.
yeah, hell right on spot if you think i've got fucking low self esteem, in the end i can't help it too.

even pe, why the hell am i the only falcon? they're all ospreys and eagles. i'll always be alone when
the teacher decides to play by house. in primary school, what? everytime, i'm the only person without partner. now what? i'm always the outcast.
end of post. tmr is english oral, all the best to myself.

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