Omoi: Year 2012

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 1:36 AM ♥


Hello.
Long time no post.
It has been long since I last used my blogger, so I figured that
no one would bother to view it anymore, which is good since I can now post freely
without having to think what people will see about how I really feel.
To be honest, I'm using my Tumblr much more frequently than blogger.
Because I just have to reblog photos that are amazingly beautiful
or black and whites that I can relate to.
I guess a picture speaks a thousand words, so all these photos would've explained
the things that happened.

▲ Many things have changed as time flows.▲
▲All the wonderful memories I made. I gained friends, but I lost some.▲
 ▲Since last year, a few of us went separate ways, and things changed drastically.▲
 ▲We used to have so much fun, we didn't care about what others think of us, we were bestfriends.▲
▲But time passed, humans changed. I've became a bad person, I ruined it all.▲
▲I miss those years so much, I miss them all so much. I want to return so much.▲
▲How I wish I can go back and mend everything. With my friends, with him, with everyone.▲
 ▲I changed, I was selfish. I drifted from her, I lost a precious friend.▲
▲Those times were my most valuable treasure.▲
▲I lost yet another friend. I wasn't honest with myself.▲
▲Maybe we would still be friends if I wasn't so indirect and self-centered.▲

I wished I grew up, but I only wanted to be happy, for everyone to be together.

Year 2012:
I've lost so much, too much. I only have little friends,
because I have a bad personality. I have a lousy character.
Therefore it was really hard, to find them, to find someone 
who accepts me as I am.They're hard to find. I finally found them. 
Yet I lost a few, because I was selfish. 
Even though it's a few, the loss was so much more than gain.

He was the most important person to me.
But I had to leave him in the past.
There was nothing I could do.
I wished I was dead.
I felt that I would die, without him by my side, because he was so precious.
But because he was so precious to me.
So precious that I'm afraid I will tear him apart.
All the more I had to let him go, because he don't belong with me.
He belongs with her. He's much more happier with her.
So I can't be so selfish all the time. I had to let him go. I had to wish him happiness.
I'm barely coping with my own mind, my own thoughts.
I still regret, no matter what I did, I can't erase my past mistakes.
I can't get him back anymore. I've hurt them so much
No matter what I did, I would never be able to atone for my mistakes.
But because they were the ones who never left me, the one who saw the real me, but
despite knowing how ugly I can be, they're still there. 
Therefore they're precious to me, all the more.
All the more, I have to protect them, protect their happiness.
All the more, I can't be selfish anymore. I have to put their happiness as my priority. 





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