It has been long

Saturday, December 14, 2013 10:01 PM ♥


It has really been quite long since I last posted here.
This is going to be a short update on my life.
I have been struggling with polylife, and I'm still struggling.
I thought I would manage fine, but it wasn't like this.
I came to think that I was the most stupid person in class.
Why can't I get anything right?
Why don't I understand anything?
Thoughts like these constantly runs through my mind.
But I'm happy about the fact that I have nice classmates who cares about me
and they're really warm people.
I'm also super happy that I met everyone in sptc. (Tennis club)
Just came back from a chalet with them yesterday,
I couldn't feel more sense of belonging in sp than being with them (:
I was really stressed up from all the school work
and depression hit me really badly this year, I really cried one night after another.
I even thought of self harming and committing suicide.
No one really understood this pain. I had anxiety and inferiority complex (it was horrible I swear)
I felt really lonely, even though I was surrounded by people. I felt as if I didn't belong anywhere.
All I ever did was to act as if I was happy and forced myself to laugh.
But recently, it's getting better, I'm grateful to everyone and I'm really glad. Even though somehow, I'll still
relapse sometimes, I'm definitely getting better now.
But I still feel lonely :( I hope there's someone who can make this loneliness go away.
But I'm so afraid because something bad happens everytime I like people.
It's winter now.
I'm afraid of falling in love.
Goodbye. Hope I can cope with my projects.

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