mo negetai na kigasuru.

Monday, June 13, 2011 11:13 PM ♥






i know well. somewhere deep within my heart.
still wants you.
still wants to go back to you.
still loves you deeply.
still hurts alot.
i'm already trying my best to forget you, everysingle day. everytime, i see something, or
when i heard something. i'll get instantly reminded of you again.
images of you and flashbacks of us are haunting me every single day.
sorry that i love you
sorry that i missed you,
sorry that i fell so hard.
all i want is to be like how we used to be.
i just want to be happy.
i just want the old you back.
i just feel like running away now.
everysingleday feels this painful.
i don't want to remember anything anymore.
walls are slowly building up in my heart.
soon enough its isolated.
you meant the entire world to me, you were my everything.
why did you took watched me walk away without stopping me and happily went with another and took my everything along with you ? i'm stucked here left with nothing & in pain. why can't you just understand?
i'm not that strong. i'm not so strong like you expected me to be.
i'm crying myself to sleep everynight. why ? everyday i'm asking myself the same question .
why is it all different? time changes. people changes. heartchanges, thinking changes, pain suffocates.
pain will soon takeover. and i'm gonna change into a monster. to someone i'm not anymore.

"It's hard to fake a smile when your heart can barely breathe"

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itsumo soba ni ita no minna wa, don don hanarete kuru.

Sunday, June 12, 2011 11:26 PM ♥




i feel like running away from everything.
i just don't know what to do. i don't how to react.
i'm going crazy soon. everyday, images of you are coming across my mind constantly.
its like, i'm trying so hard. i tried to resist myself from going to stalk you.
because i'm just so curious at how you're doing. hoping you'd come back to me,
hoping you'd think of me sometimes, hoping you'd regret for letting me walk away.
but it just seem like i'm forgotten so easily as you like, yet you're always stucked on my mind every single min. it hurts me to know you brought her to the very place i had my best memories with you.
the very exact place i brought you to.

Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words left unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger and hate, all repeated inside my head.-

i'm feeling this way. yes. i just don't understand how you can just forget me like its nothing.
like everything we've been through was just a dream, like how some dreams are forgotten once the person woke up. everyday, i'm trying my best . trying my best not to let a single tear down.
trying my best not to care. pretending that nothing hurts.

is there anyway for me to just forget you like nothing ever happened between us? like how you forgotten me? like how you forgotten how we used to be?

honestly. you're the first ever person i loved this much. and you're the first ever person to two time me like this. and you're the first guy, that i've known you this long. fell in love with you after knowing you for this long. why, how can you change this much ? i wonder.

it's so painful to keep pretending like it's nothing when i see your face.
the min our eyes met, after we're no longer here for each other.
your glance further pushes my heart down into darkness.
can;t you just leave me alone already ? why must your fucking memories come and bug me.
can i just die off now? is there anything that can make me forget everything we've been through
you gave me way too much memories for me to forget.

Forgot how does happy feels like-

i've long forgotten how it feels like to happy. The very day, the very first time we went out after we got back together. i've been feeling pain since that very day. until now. until even after i left you. after you didn't come after me. i remember how i used to keep giving you chances like free flow, forgive you no matter how many times i've been hurt, how many times i've found out you're cheating on me, hoping you'd get better, you'll change for me. but you didn't. until the end, you still gave me false hope. telling me if you can still come back to me after n'level. for the 11 months we've been together, the times i cried over you was countless, the times i forgiven you, the times i tried so hard to save our relationship. was countless. i only wished for you to love me back and nothing else. why do you have a need to treat me like this? you loved me once, why accept if you don't loveme anymore. why make me suffer this much when i've repaid you more than enough for getting heartbroken? you're making things harder. for the next poor boy who i'll be with. he has to work million times harder to get my heart. just because it's been broken once by you.

i'm a person. yes, i'm a human, but i'm different. my heart controls me. i can't control my own feeling.
i try to ignore but it didn't work. why can;t my brain be in control of myself.
yeah, scorpios . get misunderstood easily and are very emotional. yet why can't we understand each other when we're in the same sign ? even though we're so close. even though we've got countless memories together. why can't our love overcome your love with her?

i'm tired. i'm seriously tired of having to cry myself to sleep every single night. having to wakeup every morning knowing you're no longer mine, and you'll never be coming back again.
i've got million unspoken words, feelings that are unable to put into words. i feel so miserable. i feel so pathetic. i'm not suppose to be stucked in the past now. but i'm unable to move forward. how can i just accept something this big. something this precious to me, something i cherished so much that it's over?
honestly i don't think i'll ever forget you. i've got no more words to say. tweets can explain how i feel.
so i just keep retweeting and retweeting. i hope someday you'll read them and think that you should've stayed. how long more i wonder. how long more can i just pretend that nothing's wrong with me, and i'm living perfectly fine in front of you.?
You say to yourself ” I don’t care ” but you cried a million tears at night.-

sick & tired of pretending but i don't have any choices.
You say to others ” I’m fine ” but your heart knows your not.-
i wish there are pills that can just kill all these problems and pains.
You put a smile on your face acting like your okay but deep down inside your hurt more than ever. -

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tooku no bashou

Saturday, June 11, 2011 11:47 PM ♥





hey, if you happen to come to this blog, yes, this very blog that has been dead for such a long time. you probably won't.

mind what you say okay, wong chenhui. we're your friends ok, we're not just any ordinary friends you can talk to as you like, you're one of us. so be like yourself. you don't have to suffer or pretend its ok when somethings wrong and treat us as we're invisible.


“@charyong: How am I going to continue staying strong if everybody ard me is not happy.”
yeah right, thats me. how am i suppose to be fine when you're not? i realized. that you're acting different.

it seriously breaks my heart. not that i don't notice that you're feeling this and that. i'm always looking out for you, i know what's the situation of you now.
you need us, you can come and find us, we're always at the same place. the very spot : right here for you.
for days i see you depressing, i also keep depressing. like i can't get better when even one of the people in our group is sad. right? i understand how you feel. however you have to get stronger. you have got to try .

you must try to make yourself feel better by joining us so you don't have to be alone.

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