i'm tired.

Saturday, August 27, 2011 8:14 PM ♥


 when will i know how it feels to be truly happy?
what do we do when we're terribly upset?
how do we react to things that cause an incurable impact?
how do we try to run away?
how can we escape from reality itself?
how do we handle those tortures that are even worser than hell?
how can a scarred heart be healed of it's scar?
how to pick up those little shattered pieces that was broken from lving you?
we cry, we scream, we feel frustrated, feel pathetic, feel terrible, feel like dying,
feel like running from every single thing, feel like just banging heads to the wall to
just forget those terrible memories, impacts, feelings.
no matter how much we try, we just can't run away from it, neither can we face it,
the scar is too big, the impact is too huge, the tortures are lower than painful.
i'e lost faith, lost hope, lost love, above all, everything i once had.
i can never retrieve something that's stolen and has already went into the past.
i'll never be able to move on in this state,
i sympathize with the next guy if it happens in eternity that will love me.
he has to work hundred times harder to heal my heart, make me trust, hope, love and everything
i've lost, he has to build it all back for me again. nasakenai ne?
i'm just so tired of living, so tired of getting hurt, so tired of receiving huge impacts
and tortured by terrible memories and most of all, everything that i don't want to think of,
brought up, or recalled. i'm foolish. i'm stupid, i'm helpless. i'm really useless.
those little things to others, small little things in others' eyes. are treasures to me.
they're one of a kind, i can never retrieve them, they're already gone.
i truly regretted it, and i'm constantly being tortured in a place even worse than hell,
living hell. sakai no chance wa, zero percento. i've learned that love is rubbish, love hurts me,
love brings me pain, love tortures me, love cheats on me, love betrays me, love kills me.
from now on, i replaced love is happiness with love is hatred. love is pain, love is betray, love is torture,
love is losing something. love is regret. i'm really falling deeper and deeper than ever, into this never ending darkness huh? i can't be saved by anyone already.
i can't even save myself, no one is even there to lend me a hand, i don't even help myself up.
just stay down, just stay fallen. just stay hopeless. just stay broken..


It's painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go -

Feels so empty -

Missing someone is a horrible feeling, but knowing that they don't miss you back is so much worse- 

Holding on is hurting me. Letting you go will hurt me. Watching you move on will hurt me. No matter what happens, I'll end up hurt.

You can call me every bad thing you can think of, it won't hurt me. I've heard it all before.

It hurts when someone practically tells you that you're not good enough for them. It makes you wonder if you'll be good enough for anyone.

-

 , like social events. Get use to a Scorpio's pride. Do not insult it. Scorpio especially likes to be seen with successful people.

The negative traits of a are being vindictive, jealous, inflexible and introverted.

The sign is associated with Intensity, passion, and power.

is powerful, controlling and has a magnetic personality. This domineering sign goes well with Capricorn, Pisces, Cancer and Taurus.

-

 

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itami te nani.

Thursday, August 25, 2011 10:55 PM ♥



somehow i just want to forget everything that relates to you.
every single thing.
i am too lazy to even post a blog nowadays. i never even reblog anything in my tumblr.
i do update my twitter from time to time though.
n' levels closing in, i'm in a bind. i have no idea to go floorball division two match or
not to go. i'm pressurized. my studies are falling downwards. i have to study more.
yet i can't skip out on floorball too. i feel like it would be my fault for not helping my teammates
if i could them if i am there. however, i still don't know uh.
today is a thursday yet it feels like friday.
many things ran through my head today. i keep thinking of you. it's like a bomb of memories
exploding whenever memories flashed through my head.
i want to get you out of it. i don't want to think of you anymore.
i don't want to hold onto this useless false hope anymore. i hate you to the core.
yet i can never hate you fully. nasakenai ne?
hahs. anyways i updated my blog link with new photos and my featured with new animation.
even my own animation i also added new ones.
since i haven't been updating my blog, i made some modifications to suit my feel when i come back.
my playlist has a complete expoding songs of 54 tracks. I think i am going crazy already. so many tracks.
but whatever. i don't give a damn.

walls are building up. walls that no one would ever overcome, thicker than ever. stronger than that of steel.
i'm just too afraid of everything.
enough of those tortures. i don't want to suffer from loving you one sided anyways, but because of you,
i just can't stop myself from loving you. fucking false hopes are holding me high up, and i know,
somewhere in the sky, i would i dropped and i would die from that falling pressure.

i pierced my ears last week. it doesn't hurt one bit surprisingly.


If there is one thing can't take, it's being deceived, and they always know when they're being deceived.

The positive traits of a are determination, diligence, charm, refinement and a sense of purpose.

The negative traits of a are being vindictive, jealous, inflexible and introverted.

The sign is associated with Intensity, passion, and power.

is the opposite zodiac sign of Taurus.
It is very difficult to pretend or fake in front of a so don't even try it.


-  


 it sucks most when you can't have what's right in front of you. -


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