aitai te negatemo aenai.

Monday, July 18, 2011 12:11 AM ♥



hello, i'm here to post for today, today is quite a long day ^^
i wokeup at 10 plus? and then i saw hoying's message, asking if i've woke up already or not.
i replied her wakeup already, then she already heading out to cut hair, so i wokeup and prepare go out etc.
didn't make it in time to go and accompany her cut hair. chenhui went down to accompany her haircut instead. i went out of house at 11 plus. went to chenhui's house to makeup etc. while waiting for hoying to finish showering at home and come to meet us (: while at chenhui's house waiting for hoying to come and find us, we makeup spent alot of times to find clothes for chenhui wear, and esp on makeup. i draw the eye liner until half the grandma open the door and come in LOL. she scold us say what "you all spend such a long time doing makeups. and then chenhui was like, unhappy like that ahahahha. because the grandma keep standing there while i helping her to draw the eye liner LOL. like, i think two years since i put on eyeliner already, and for chenhui, it's her first time :P expected la. i helped her to draw the top part with abit of cat eyes and the bottom tried to teach her but failed LOL. ahahha, then hoying later cabbed to come and find us at chenhui's house, after she came, we started to take zilian pictures hahaha, ho9ying became really pretty after cutting her hair today, and super glad that she is happy about her haircut at the salon recommended by me :P ahahaha, then shortly after she came, i helped her to tie braids, we did last min preparations, and off we go to tiong to meet kaihong, chester and marcus (: they brought the ticket for us first already, incase there is no more space. and we ended up slacking for abit before the movie starts,
around 2.40 we went into the theater and we sat down to wait for the show to start, the movie was quite interesting, though i somewhat don't understand it because i forgot what happened in the first part, so i didn't exactly understand it in the beginning, but slowly i understood the storyline. the movie wasn't bad, but it didn't actually meet my expectations. sort of disappointed yeah, but it was still awesomeee :D
after the movie, we went to safra together to go pool or bowling. we couldn't get the chance to pool,
because they were having what shit competition in there and we went up for bowling, but the guys didn't know how to play and then they decided to slack there, i wanted to go to henderson wave to spam take pictures, but the guys also didn't want, so endedup we split, girls go henderson wave and boys continue slacking there ~ we went up there to sit and take photos for around 40 minutes-1 hour.
guess what? we saw boonkiat there! LOL, and was like, OMG BOONKIAT! we saw him yesterday. today too LOL~~ then after that we went back to safra, to see if the pool thing end already, cause the person say 6.30 end, then we go ask, fuck the person ok. he say 7.38 to 8 like that then end. = =
then we were like "HUH WTF?" then like that we can;t play already, went to ya kun kaya toast there to meet up with the guys, and over there discussed about what to do next, we had thought of going to cyrus.
then ended up we decided on going to vivo. we had some food while discussing in ya kun. then chenhui was deciding on going back home or go with us, we decided by games. then we ended up playing endless one.
because we wanted her to come no matter what hgahahaha, i played tictactoe with her, i fail badly, i'm bad at it LOL. then the zhuo yi quan you yi quan de thing also i losing to her badly, then slowly i picked up the pace and understood how i can play this game, and got the points back wakakakaka. also, in the bus on the way to vivo, we played the game also, after reaching vivo, we went to the skypack to slack and sit.
and then we ended up playing true or dare, it was certainly super funny luh. the guys are damn epic though :X then we played till around 8.50 going to 9. chenhui wanted to go home, but in the end got bribed by hoying saying she'll sponsor her 10$ for the cab back LOL ♥ she stayed. then 9 we splited up with the boys with the intentions to go home. wanted to take cab together, but then in the end, we walked to vivo taxi stand, LONG QUEUE, walked to harbour front taxi stand, LONG. crossed opposite to the interchange, couldn't get any cab at all, my foot were really tired out because i wore heels for the entire damn day. ): then we couldn't flag any cab at all, chenhui's grandma was furious that she still didn't go home at 9+. she didn't believe chenhui's sister explanation about the cab back to tiong thing, and we couldn't get any cab by 9.30 and we actually went from place to place and attempted on taking it, we ended up taking bus 65, we all dropped off at opposite zhangde there, my legs were seriously too tired, and there is a long way home. i had to take one more bus trip and walk home or i'll have to cover a longer distance, so i endedup cabbing back home. the fare was 3.70. was seriously tired out when i reached home, showered and came online. sian, tomorrow has school and hwp, got ss test about healthcare. gg.com le luh, i didn't study at all, and there is pasar malam around redhill mrt area, wahahaha. so gonna take a look around after school tomorrow with chenhui, i'm currently eating my dinner and it's already 12am.. tomorrow i might be late le luh. hope i don't wakeup late so i don;t have to waste money on cabs, hahahah.

I feel worthless. No matter what i do, i'm still not good enough -

I'm such a good pretender. No one realizes I'm so hurt inside. Yay.-

11:11 Love me back.

Autophobia: The fear of being yourself, The fear of being alone.

11:11 I just want to be happy. I am tired of feeling so worthless everyday.
 -

Dear self: stop being a failure. Dear body: get attractive. Dear face: get pretty. Dear personality: get appealing. Dear legs: get skinny...

Nobody has ever replied back with "no you're not okay." Maybe I really am good at pretending or maybe they're too scared to ask.

I miss you. You're probably having a massive amount of fun right now. Without me.

I lack so much confidence. I am ugly. I will still remain ugly, even if I pack on make-up. There is no changing or fixing something ugly.

I don't believe anyone who tells me what they will understand me. It's just another pathetic reason. You're just curious. Fuck off.

Tired of feeling this way. Tired of being fat. Tired of feeling worthless. Tired of being second best. Tired of everything. Tired of life. 

I'm tired of trying to be good enough for everyone. 
- 

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