Eternally

Friday, December 16, 2011 11:06 PM


will you ever come to understand what it means?

i wish singapore's weather is like this.

pictures are moments captured.
credits for all 3 of the pictures above : Haruzie

and hello, i'm here to post again for today.
my blog is quite active recently i guess :3
but i just had the urge to post and thats all.
well, to say what i did today. i actually didn't really do anything much.
i was about wondering why i can spend my entire day online
like this without even doing anything much. well, i spent majority of my
time on the internet. now here comes the question. doing what?
i have no idea at all. i never even watched anime. or maybe i spent an hour or more on
youtube? i've got nothing to do and i'm watching all those stupid videos made
by the fadedholysoldier. then reading the comments (just a little) and post
my own comment there.

apart from youtube, what? stomp. looking around at stomp. trying to see if there's anything
interesting to read. ohmyyyy. i feel so lifeless today.

okay, what did i have for my lunch? of all days the coffee shop had to be closed
on today. so i have nothing to eat. my mom didn't cook for me before going out.
so i ended up buying calbee barbecue chips at the mama shop beside the
closed coffee shop. yes. i ate potatochips for my lunch, and mango yogurt drink.

after that i didn't eat anything until night. at night my mom cooked rice.
hurray, i love rice. i think it has been days since i started eating 2 meals per day.
it's sort of getting unhealthy. and i only drank 1 cup of plain water today.
and no more. sigh. i need to kick my own habit of being lazy to drink water.
sounds weird huh? but i don't actually drink 8 cups of water per day.
i drink less than 5 sometimes. so my intake on liquid is really low.

LOL okay enough with the meals and drinks thing. moving on to next thing.
what i did next was audi with chenhui. i asked her to on and play bboy with me.
we only played a few rounds of bboy though. my skills was so cui.
then we went to play cc4 because i requested her to train me of my speed and chance.
i actually didn't play audi alot nowadays. when i say play i referring to playing the game.
i did log in, but i didn't actually played much at all. okayys, so the screenshots for today are at the bottom.

moving on to next. there's this article i saw at stomp. yes, the one right below this paragraph.
the one of a bug thats weird. i saw that there was 4% enraged.
and i find it quite funny actually.  like, how can they get angry over a bug that
has weird feature thats maybe alike to that of a human face? LOL.

hahas anyways i saw quite alot of videos on youtube regarding the aaron tan thing.
yes, the american especially > fadedholysoldier. well, he's sorry to the good people
of singapore now, i have no comments. just glad this "war" can end.
and steven lim made a video response to aaron tan too. well if he excluded his
"i am very famous/i'm getting more famous" part he could've made the first
decent video of himself maybe. but he just had to add it in. laughs.
well, there's nothing wrong of that either though. if he didn't include it, he wouldn't have those
kind of, maybe sense of humor thing?

okays, enough of my crapping for the day. i currently am going even more crazy
about japan. thanks to Haruzie's tumblr. it's honestly making me fall in love
with japan even more. i even wish to immigrate to japan. LOL.
hoying is so lucky luh! she gets to go japan. hahaha, she'll be buying souvenirs for
us anyways :X so it's okay

oh, and by the way there's 3 more days left to N's result.
the date is getting more and more closer, and i'm feeling more and more
nervous and anxious about it. i hope everyone would get satisfying result.
end of post. ciaos. ♥

have no idea why 4% were enraged at a bug.

i'm TheLynn15 inside the screenshot.
 
trained cc4 with chenhui(left) me(right)
fm ~
totally shut the world out. ♥


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What's lacking is the will.

1:07 AM


bboy marathon with chenhui ^^

love party 5 - love letter.
club III
hello, and i'm here to update about today againn ~
i wokeup at 1159 today just right X:
my mum was still sick of course. she just recovered from her sickness not long ago.
now she's sick again. sigh. i hope she gets well soon. :/
she cook for me noodle before going out to work.

and so i spent my day audi-ing with chenhui in the afternoon,
then moved on to gardening. today my audi cpl like got more self control le.
he say i can be very fierce. (LOL he's scared of me because of the incident yst.)
then we went to chiong hearts. shocking, there were new npcs unlocked.
probably because he went and chiong lvl until lvl 21. LOL.
the new npcs shiok man! 40 hearts/ round. and first npc we played with was
the wedding npc. omg. reminds me of the wedding party LOL~
hahaha anyways we chiong the new unlocked 8k npcs like, some crazy people.

and this time, at least in garden he's not so selfish le. probably because he scared of me
now. LOL. okay omg i'm so bhb :3 because i just bursted everything out on him yesterday LOL.
then from garden i'm so luckyy!!! i got like, 500 hearts from it ><
at one go la, before that i got 200 LOL. anyways the garden is so helpful :P

then at night we went to chiong npc again. chiong until we level 26 then
we had our 5th love party. gosh, this was the most fail love party
so far. it's getting quite hard. needs alot of perfs. we failed twice. heng ah.
3rd time we pass. if not acash wasted! (though it's not mine HAHAHAH)
but i'm not such a bad person either la ^-^

anyways there's training tomorrow. i think i'll most probably end up going anyways.
cause it might be my last training as a merahan. next monday, N's results is going to be out!
gosh. can't elaborate how nervous i am about it. and how worried i am for all our results.

i'm just afraid that we end up all in separate ways. :/ i don't want that. i wouldn't want a life
without my friends. without you.
so i'm pretty worried ): will be wearing home clothes with chenhui to school on monday anyways!
hopefully all our results are pleasant. i love this year's 1995 batch NA the most.
we have the most awesome people ever. like. okay. i'm talking as if we're gonna get separated.
should stop it. alrights, end of post for today, byeeee ~~

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Seasons are changing, as time past, people change, but feelings never do. ♥

Thursday, December 15, 2011 1:00 AM


heree: credits
my lunch! curry omu rice (;

akanishi jin test drive ♥


hello, i'm here to update for today, same as always, forever having a longlong post.
really, not trying to be shameless here, but i feel like i'm the happiest girl on earth now. LOL.

well, i'll start off with explaining what happened today~
i went to school for floorball match.
today's opponent is east spring. they played with our cgirls followed by us.
poor thing huh, play 2 continuous games, LOL.
anyways apparently today's match was the last match sara used to select us for school team
for next year Bdiv (:
today's game first period first few minutes was okay, but afterwards i started making
abit of mistakes. hahahaha. sara scolded me of course ^o^
but today sara is good, he scold, but he got guild us.
as usual, my line is amanda, nina, khalissa and me ~
2nd period, apparently wasn't as good either, i tried to do different things,
but failed. hahahah. 3rd period, sara put line 1 and 2 out and moved line 3,4 and 5(?) in.
he was selecting player for next year team, well of course he was fair today, he wanted to see
everyone's performance. well, however during the 4th period,
most of us were hyped up! line 2 (saliza, dee, linxuan & aishah) were outstanding (;!
anggun they all were screaming and cheering loudly when they score! hahaha.
i personally think the 4th period was the best out of all. it's as if we're really a team,
and bonding. i also think i can communicate with my line better during the last period.
afterall we spoke out to one and other, which made me feel, sort of? really happy :D
the match ended with us winning the game, however i have no idea whats the score :X

after the game, went to meet sheryl and we went to great world and eat lunch together
at food junction ;p i was wondering what to eat when the stall i ate the prev time closed
down ): ended up eating the one beside that. curry omu rice ♥. i'm so lucky!
that dish has no meat :D it's nice too.

after eating, went and walk around greatworld with sheryl, i brought a pen,
to write a letter/note of course. for you.
well, after buying that pen, we went down to mac, she wanted to eat ice cream..
actually i wanted too, but i realized that i spent my last note on the pen.
she offered to lend me, but i don't want to owe her so i rejected :X
while she was eating her icecream, i was over there talking with her, slacking and playing with my phone of course. all the way until 3 plus (if i am not wrong) we were about to leave and
'whoooshhh' > kaiyeow walked pass. we were like > "OMG?" LOLOL. hahahah
then sheryl actually takes 32 to go home but she offered to take bus with me to tiong
and then change to mrt, hahaha so kind of her (; so we walked to the busstop,
i was like "oh shit, kaiyeow is there too, OMG LOL." then i was fixed on taking 16
because i know he would definitely take 195. yaaa, AWKWARD LOL. first 195 came, i thought it was 16 and walked to the front to prepare to flag bus. he was standing rightttt at the front, but behind.
then the bus come, it was 195, i failed LOL. then lucky the bus behind is 16, so me and sheryl
took 16! HAHAHAHA, because my house busstop is 2 stop before tiong, so i alighted
there. then sheryl alight there also, so i pei her wait for her bus.
and then, went home (;


then following up, the screenshots below is me and chenhui talking about a dog.
which is apparently also the same guy in all the remaining screenshots (:
okay, i'm gonna keep the story simple and short.
apparently, my audi cpl is a dog. he has no manners, he is rude, he is selfish.
worse of all, he thinks he's big, he's 16, same as me.
the most childish person i ever seen in my whole 16 years.
and whats more? i'm always enduring his fuckedup attitude and tolerating.
he dares to 'test' me if i am selfish, and what's the funny part about it?
he even states that he's testing if i'm selfish. HAH. lameshit.
later on ~
i went into audi > couple garden.
i went and flower and take care of the plant.
since he want say i selfish earlier on right? i decided to ask him on and take everything.
i at 8:16 msn, he 9:02 reply. still dare use vulgar on me.
if in audi i nvr reply obviously i am afk-ing right? then he come msn CAPS me somemore.
then i go back audi i see. wow. he spammed me with "OIs" and "CB" "knnpcb"
obviously i got angry right on the spot ^-^. see for yourself the convo below.
what a dog he is. i'm super sure i'll break cpl him soon. laughs. okay, end of post, bye ♥.
talking about some dog. hahahah.
lanjiao convo.
the rudest person i ever see.
aged 16 yet so childish.
sorry my tolerance not unlimited one.

xialan max.
never even say sorry. such a _|_.
run and don't come back. dw see your cockface anyways.

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todoke, zettai kimi ni todoke. ♥

Wednesday, December 14, 2011 1:13 AM


cousin(left)
zilians.
v^-^v
v^3^v
i got the HUXUUU.
decided not to hide my fat face.
4th love party.
letter.
club III their ring make me jelly only.
epic moment. best (solo) couple.

hello, here to upddate about today (13th) ^^.
today is just another ordinary day.
except my cousin came over to my house with my aunt and dad. hahahah.
she came over with a goodie bag for me, aww, how sweet ♥.

hahaha anyways she came over and she started to take my phone,
and then she continuously played with the games in my phone! hahahah.
for once i didn't say no ^-^ i'm so kind.

i spoke to her about where she's headed to next year, afterall she took her psle.
however the teacher wants her to retain, and put a repeat there.
she could've gone to henderson sec if the teacher didn't put that. =_=
stupid teacher. now ended up she has to go to northlight. which is a school
that she would be trained and headed to ite after 4 years of life in that school.
hahahs,anyways while she was here, i took the chance to use my webcam to snap
one picture with her (; after that i took a few zilians LOL.
it has been so long since i took zilian, lmao. because i find myself very ugly now.

i've got cui fringe. idk if i should cut back to bangs or what.
and my dad keep trying to persuade me to cut my whole hair, say my hair
alot etc. but it's not. =_= my hair naturally looks like it's alot.
but he not me, so he dk, how much i dropped in the past months,
by drop, i mean hairfall of course. anyways, it's 14th today <3 and counting down,
5 more days, to N's result, i think as the date draws closer, we become more
aware of the coming of the day, and eventually get nervous.

i hope we won't be separated from each other. i can't imagine life without my daily
bestfriends and my group, days without getting to see you. so i'm a little afraid here.
i hope we'll all be together, forever ♥.

oh, and it's wednesday already. sigh. later gonna have match with east view.
i hope i don't make foolish mistakes and drag the teammates in my line down again.
and, after match, shall be going to eat!

so many complicated things happening nowadays. like everyone's life is 
totally messed up. i still feel as fat and ugly as ever.
as if i'm never good enough for anything, never good enough to be anything.
always being a burden to people. always dragging their hardest efforts down.
i hate this fat body of mine, this ugly face i have, this lousy body. i hate me.
that's all for today.

bye.


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mata ashita ga kuru.

Monday, December 12, 2011 11:50 PM


updates from past 2-3 days.
NANA's wedding
love party 2.
love party 3.
random pict from last time
random pict 2.
and so, i did post a few ss of audi, but i never actually play alot nowadays already, more of like, losing interest? hahahha probably.
i'm losing interest in a variety of things, alot of things infact.
i'm like, so lifeless nowadays.
1 more week to N's result. i am halfway planned for my future.
as for the ite part, i've already covered it. as for going to sec 5,
i'm probably not prepared. there's alot of things i'm unsure of.
i used to have this mindset of going to sec 5 is the only thing i am aiming.
but the me now, doesn't really fit or want the sec 5.
because the min i think of going up to sec 5, i know everything i'll be facing.
it's maybe too much for me to handle. and, not all of us can make it there too.
if i get to sec 5, i have to study so hard, so hard that i'll hardly have anytime to
rest, to relax, to play. i'm not even sure if i am smart enough to pass the O's.
on the other hand, there is also floorball, not trying to be shameless but i think i have
a higher chance of making it into the school team, let's say if i make it into the school
team, i have to contribute to the school, i'll have to answer to those high
expectations again. i'm sort of sick, of all those expectations. and i know i'm not good.
i'm just not good enough because it always seem that i'm the one making all the mistakes,
and pulling the entire line down, i see nina khalissa and amanda always so hardworking,
they always give their all, but i'm always messing things up, always making mistakes,
always getting scolded for making my clumsy and dumb mistakes etc,
eventually i came to the thinking that if i wasn't there it'll be better for the team.
all negative thinking yeahs.

okay enough about the floorball thing. last saturday went to a christmas party organized by
dave, boon kiat went too. i went with chenhui and hoying, we played er, whacko,
3-legged step on balloons and music chairs. the 2nd game i got partner with
boonkiat's sister, she very energetic man, she move here and there i get pulled by her LOL.
my leg is like, damn pain, and it still hurts now. down with flu nowadays too. have no idea why.

this wednesday another match again, this time is with east view, not very eager on it as
it'll be another scolding for me probably. i know, if i'm afraid of making mistakes i'll never improve.
but what if i keep making mistakes? that's another story, i'm probably just a burden that pulls
all their efforts down.

anyways,will be going to kbox this saturday with chenhui and probably hoying or more?
motive is to just enjoy and practice singing with chenhui as we will be performing together
(me & chenhui) on the 7th jan 2012 at toa payoh, singing first love
by utada hikaru. and i spent like, almost most of my savings on present, only for one person.
you better be grateful man. i never spend money until so gan yuan before lor.
but still, probably i don't have the confidence. i still think i'm ugly, i'm fat, i'm no good at anything.
gotta buck up on my own self esteem. thats all to the post. ciaos.

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to be alone is to be lonely.

Thursday, December 8, 2011 2:12 AM


this was when i'm trying the dress on the night before LOL.

actual day @ chenhui's house.
my hair done for 35$ LOL.
i find this the better looking one.
the ladies ♥

random.
the prettiest girl i admit i see on prom.
girls ♥
some ugly zilian.

hello, long time no post, so i just decided to make a post today, currently came to post because i visited xf's blog and reading her blog inspired me to blog ^^. it's been so long since i updated. hahas. shall just post a few pictures from prom night and talk about today (:
prom, hahahah speaking of it, it's like, so long ago, like last month.
was sort of expecting you to be there, but end up you didn't turn up, well,
it's already past like, don't know how many months. i still don't get why i can't get over you.

yeah you, even though i was the one who took the initiative to leave. (i didn't want to)
but i ended up leaving (i didn't have a choice anyways)
better than being a 3rd party and cause unhappiness, the me of that time rather just
just and you can be happy with her, but months have passed and situation had changed.

whatever, shall end it there.

speaking of recently,  ~

wedding party.

club III

love party
today i had my wedding party in audition. and right afterthat
my audi cpl updated me that the new version of hack is out, and therefore,
he sent it to me and we instantly starting chionging out ring. and we had our first
 love party soon after we reached 30 hearts.

and i had training today too. i went for training and we spent like 45 minutes on drills.
and most of the drills, or infact all, consist of sprinting and running etc, then most of the
drills have ladder drills inside too. sigh, ladder thing make my leg go muscle ache.

oh, and before training during warm up i actually saw her. hahaha though i should be caring must but it's just so disturbing. for a moment that is. then soon after it doesn't even bother me at all.
because training doesn't seem to be so tiring but i end up having breathing difficulties,
like shortness of breathe and all, i wanted to giveup halfway and tell sara i can't breathe i want to rest.
but i endedup not saying anything. i'm just, too conserved i guess? or, am i just too strongwilled to just giveup halfway while others are training? i have no idea, anyways, this friday,
there's gonna be a friendly match starting at 10, with orchid park sec. gosh, we have to be in school by9.30. i doubt i can wakeup. but i have to drag myself to school. then following, this saturday,
there is a christmas party organised by dave! (: i hope chenhui would want to go with me,
honesly, i don't really like the way she's being wishywashy about it. it doesn't involve alot thinnking too though, but i think i'm the one in wrong because i too selfish. hahaha. and hoying is going if i'm not wrong. she's just afraid that she cannot wake up bebcause we're meeting at 1045.

oh, and 19th is coming soon after next week. sigh, i don't have much plans for my future yet.
and i'm too afraid i'll make it to sec 5, and i can't handle the stress, i'm also too afraid that i can't make it to ite higher nitec or nitec. i am also worried that my marks won't get me anywhere.
sigh, i'm such a coward.

even if i get you back, even if i can, i wonder if i will ever have to confidence, that you'll definitely stay by my side? honestly i don't for now. i think i'm just being an extra between you and her. i also know i'm not good enough, that she's like, so many times prettier than me, better than me, kinder than me, skinnier than me and so on. probably.

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