mata ashita ga kuru.

Monday, December 12, 2011 11:50 PM ♥


updates from past 2-3 days.
NANA's wedding
love party 2.
love party 3.
random pict from last time
random pict 2.
and so, i did post a few ss of audi, but i never actually play alot nowadays already, more of like, losing interest? hahahha probably.
i'm losing interest in a variety of things, alot of things infact.
i'm like, so lifeless nowadays.
1 more week to N's result. i am halfway planned for my future.
as for the ite part, i've already covered it. as for going to sec 5,
i'm probably not prepared. there's alot of things i'm unsure of.
i used to have this mindset of going to sec 5 is the only thing i am aiming.
but the me now, doesn't really fit or want the sec 5.
because the min i think of going up to sec 5, i know everything i'll be facing.
it's maybe too much for me to handle. and, not all of us can make it there too.
if i get to sec 5, i have to study so hard, so hard that i'll hardly have anytime to
rest, to relax, to play. i'm not even sure if i am smart enough to pass the O's.
on the other hand, there is also floorball, not trying to be shameless but i think i have
a higher chance of making it into the school team, let's say if i make it into the school
team, i have to contribute to the school, i'll have to answer to those high
expectations again. i'm sort of sick, of all those expectations. and i know i'm not good.
i'm just not good enough because it always seem that i'm the one making all the mistakes,
and pulling the entire line down, i see nina khalissa and amanda always so hardworking,
they always give their all, but i'm always messing things up, always making mistakes,
always getting scolded for making my clumsy and dumb mistakes etc,
eventually i came to the thinking that if i wasn't there it'll be better for the team.
all negative thinking yeahs.

okay enough about the floorball thing. last saturday went to a christmas party organized by
dave, boon kiat went too. i went with chenhui and hoying, we played er, whacko,
3-legged step on balloons and music chairs. the 2nd game i got partner with
boonkiat's sister, she very energetic man, she move here and there i get pulled by her LOL.
my leg is like, damn pain, and it still hurts now. down with flu nowadays too. have no idea why.

this wednesday another match again, this time is with east view, not very eager on it as
it'll be another scolding for me probably. i know, if i'm afraid of making mistakes i'll never improve.
but what if i keep making mistakes? that's another story, i'm probably just a burden that pulls
all their efforts down.

anyways,will be going to kbox this saturday with chenhui and probably hoying or more?
motive is to just enjoy and practice singing with chenhui as we will be performing together
(me & chenhui) on the 7th jan 2012 at toa payoh, singing first love
by utada hikaru. and i spent like, almost most of my savings on present, only for one person.
you better be grateful man. i never spend money until so gan yuan before lor.
but still, probably i don't have the confidence. i still think i'm ugly, i'm fat, i'm no good at anything.
gotta buck up on my own self esteem. thats all to the post. ciaos.

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